Tuesday, February 12, 2013

THE HOMEMADE GLITTER THING IS A SCAM

Hello, readers! How is life? (I don't care.) (this is a joke. feel free to share)

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Here's a frightening song I recently found on Youtube... I've never heard it before and I feel compelled to share it with you guys because it freaks me out.


she's saying:
'who is the bullet?
who is the bullet?
who is the bullet?
...
IIIIIII AAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!'

I can smell the arrival of sorrow-filled nightmares and cold sweat and tears. (shudder)



Now, I wrote a little narrative piece based on the  female version of Holden Caulfield, Hilda Cauliflower! (I'm pretty proud of this.) Enjoy!!!

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hilda cauliflower
It was a long week for me and I was feeling very stressed. I really was. I don’t really want to go into it too much, but it was a goddam stressful week. I needed something to make me feel better, so I decided to go to the crummy little nail salon on First Avenue. When I got in there, it smelled like cinnamon and I started to think about Heather Plackett again. Good old Heather Plackett was always pushing her hair behind her ears. She had this very light blonde hair and she would push it behind her ears. You should have seen the way she was always touching that light blonde hair. When you see someone with hair like that, it’s hard not to get jealous. I’ve always wanted hair like that. I would probably play with my hair all the time if I had hair like that. Anyways, when I got to the salon, I sat on one of those goddam cheap vinyl chairs with these goddam holes in it. You would commit suicide or something if you saw how many holes were in that goddam chair, for Chrissake. I mean it. I waited for about seven hours until this oriental woman called me over. She was very skinny and had these sharp little features. The oriental woman, with her sharp little features and all, asked me with this high little voice what color I wanted. I hate how all of the colors at a nail salon are the same as the ones at the drug store. It kills me. People think that if you go to a salon, everything is fancy and all, but whoever told you that is a goddam liar, for Chrissake.  I chose a color called “Candy Apple Red.” It’s a great color and all, but I have the exact same one at home. When we sat down at the shaky little table, I sort of struck up a conversation. We were talking about this goddam tabloid magazine she had on her table. I hate those magazines. Those phony magazines with all those lies in them, they kill me. They really do, those magazines. But I didn’t mind it so much, chewing the fat with the skinny oriental woman. I didn’t mind it.



I hope you liked it! 


Also, Valentine's Day is coming up. I think I'll make a Valentine's Day post devoted to it, but look at this valentine I made for Elliott Smith.


prettyness courtesy of the "line camera" app
elliott courtesy of some website i forgot
meow

8 comments:

  1. okay that glitter burger is...questionable at best XD. But boy oh boy do i like your elliott smith valentine. i'm sure he'd be real happy about it. highlight of the post by goddamn far is goddamn hilda cauliflower for Chrissake. She makes me miss good old boy Holden. Boy, is that kid the shit.

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  2. the whole time i was reading your hilda cauliflower bit i read it in holden's voice.. or at least what i think how his voice would sound like. it's pretty damn good, you should write more of those. i'd be really glad to read them

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    Replies
    1. thank you so much! i'm glad you'd be glad <3 <3

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  3. I love your Hilda piece! Such a cool take on it.

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