Tuesday, February 12, 2013

THE HOMEMADE GLITTER THING IS A SCAM

Hello, readers! How is life? (I don't care.) (this is a joke. feel free to share)

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Here's a frightening song I recently found on Youtube... I've never heard it before and I feel compelled to share it with you guys because it freaks me out.


she's saying:
'who is the bullet?
who is the bullet?
who is the bullet?
...
IIIIIII AAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!'

I can smell the arrival of sorrow-filled nightmares and cold sweat and tears. (shudder)



Now, I wrote a little narrative piece based on the  female version of Holden Caulfield, Hilda Cauliflower! (I'm pretty proud of this.) Enjoy!!!

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hilda cauliflower
It was a long week for me and I was feeling very stressed. I really was. I don’t really want to go into it too much, but it was a goddam stressful week. I needed something to make me feel better, so I decided to go to the crummy little nail salon on First Avenue. When I got in there, it smelled like cinnamon and I started to think about Heather Plackett again. Good old Heather Plackett was always pushing her hair behind her ears. She had this very light blonde hair and she would push it behind her ears. You should have seen the way she was always touching that light blonde hair. When you see someone with hair like that, it’s hard not to get jealous. I’ve always wanted hair like that. I would probably play with my hair all the time if I had hair like that. Anyways, when I got to the salon, I sat on one of those goddam cheap vinyl chairs with these goddam holes in it. You would commit suicide or something if you saw how many holes were in that goddam chair, for Chrissake. I mean it. I waited for about seven hours until this oriental woman called me over. She was very skinny and had these sharp little features. The oriental woman, with her sharp little features and all, asked me with this high little voice what color I wanted. I hate how all of the colors at a nail salon are the same as the ones at the drug store. It kills me. People think that if you go to a salon, everything is fancy and all, but whoever told you that is a goddam liar, for Chrissake.  I chose a color called “Candy Apple Red.” It’s a great color and all, but I have the exact same one at home. When we sat down at the shaky little table, I sort of struck up a conversation. We were talking about this goddam tabloid magazine she had on her table. I hate those magazines. Those phony magazines with all those lies in them, they kill me. They really do, those magazines. But I didn’t mind it so much, chewing the fat with the skinny oriental woman. I didn’t mind it.



I hope you liked it! 


Also, Valentine's Day is coming up. I think I'll make a Valentine's Day post devoted to it, but look at this valentine I made for Elliott Smith.


prettyness courtesy of the "line camera" app
elliott courtesy of some website i forgot
meow

Thursday, February 7, 2013

AND YOUR JOKES ARE ALWAYS BAD

Oops! This blog has been dormant for too long!

I would write a nice, long post, but I have a quest to study for (quiz + test = QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE) and a roller coaster to design and homework homework homework. I'm also currently in the middle of a creative writing project and when I have something that I'm working on, it usually consumes my entire life (although I'm actually spending significantly more time eating too much yogurt and re-watching the United States of Tara.)

So I thought I would share a few goodies with you just becuz.


Once you have stopped crying (Pavement can be pretty heavy) (get it? BECAUSE PAVEMENT IS CONCRETE AND CONCRETE IS HEAVY AND I'M SURE YOUR THIGH IS BRIGHT RED FROM YOU SLAPPING IT TOO VIOLENTLY) enjoy this GIF of me pretending to look in the mirror because GIF's. I wrote an essay about narcissism that I might share with you guys if it appeals. (I wrote it two nights ago at one in the morning, so I really have no idea what it sounds like...) (two mornings ago?) (TOO MANY PARENTHESES) 



PRAY FOR A SNOW DAY WITH ME, KITTIES 
(even if it's warm/ish where you live, at least knock on wood or something)
(I'm afraid I just...blue myself.)
(There's got to be a better way to say that.)

(SEASON FOURRRRR)

(This is a terrible post.)
(Bottom line: I is alive.)
(twitch)
(spasm)
(cookies)