Friday, January 18, 2013

MY SWEET TOOTH HAS BURNED A HOLE

futurama
Hello! I haven't posted very much (at all) recently due to exams and this short story I've been writing and PROCRASTINATION (you know I haven't actually been studying) among other things...

This is a story about extremely strange eating habits and basically every character you meet is gratuitously cringe worthy. The main character is NOT me, so don't freak out or anything. ~yay~ ~enjoy~

FRENCH DRESSING

                I’m on my toes reaching for a box of pop tarts on the top shelf of my kitchen cupboard. If I stretch a little farther, the very berry-honey bunny goodness will be mine.
                All mine.
                My back makes a bit of a cracking sound and a sharp pain shoots up and down the arch. I grimace. I may even be sweating. My head is throbbing and—OH! IF I CAN JUST FLICK THE BOX…
                It tumbles out and hits the ground.
                My hand shakes as I slide the beautiful icing-covered chunk of heaven out of its silver Mylar wrapping. The lettering on the label is green to remind us that it’s organic. All two hundred and ten empty calories of sugar and starch and saturated fat are—wait for it—naturally derived.
                I violently shove the pastry in my mouth. I love the raunchy feeling of something hard and scratchy being lodged in my throat. It hurts so good. I wince when I swallow the mouthful of warm, half-chewed sludge.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

EVERYBODY CARES, EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS

I dare myself to go two weeks without naming my blog posts after Elliott Smith songs/lyrics.


I have been nominated once again for the Liebster Award! I won’t post the rules/eleven facts about myself/ eleven bloggers I’d like to nominate because all of that can be found here. This awesome person was the nominator who I'd like to thank. (That is probably the most awkward sentence in existence--I'm living off caffeine and an average of 5 hours of sleep a night, thank you very much.)

1. What is one opinion of yours that you think should be a fact?

THAT ALL HUMANS ARE BISEXUAL BY NATURE. I explained myself in English class today-- there is a huge huge chance that at some point in his life, a boy will look at another boy and have sexual feelings for him even for like, a third of a picosecond. If it hasn't happened yet, there are so many thirds of picoseconds in one's life, and so many opportunities to invest in mineral water. I think it's so oblivious to say that you're 100% straight! So basically, nothing is definite and YOUR LIFE IS A LIE.


2. What is ur favourite comic book?

I honestly don't read comics, but I used to drool over the crappy PowerPuff Girls comics filled with chicken nuggets ads and this really nice Superfriends anthology I had.


3. What unlikely songs make you productive?

This is my go-to homework album:



What does this say about me?



4. What movie has THE BEST soundtrack?


I'm currently living in a world where all I want to do is marry Oliver Tate and live under his bed. Every morning on my way to school, all I can think is,
'...As usual, Dad drops me eight hundred yards from school. That way I can slip in unnoticed, like a torpedo.'
and then I can't stop laughing and everyone on the street looks at me weird.

And Alex Turner used to be really adorable before he started being all douche-y and wearing leather and pompadour-ing.

So, obviously, the Submarine soundtrack by Alex Turner.





5. Tell me about your most favourite person in the world (not famous or anything, just someone next door or something)

I feel like I should choose out of my close friends because there's a good chance it would stir up some drama, and frankly, I don't know who my favorite friend is! (Again, it's not like I can really have a definite favorite because there's no such thing.) However, I'm hoping I've made it fairly clear who my favorite famous person is...

(-hint hint-)
via


6. Who do you think is the most obnoxious youtuber ever?

aaaahhhhhhh. Trust me, I hate everyone. I can assure you. I just don't waste my time watching stuff that gets on my nerves. (ime sarree)



7. If you had to chance to talk to ANYONE (one person only) who is deceased, who would it be and what would you say? (Celebrities, poets etc. included)

Uh...
the year punk broke

Well...
via
You see...

via

I don't know. Thinking about this hypothetical conversation makes me cringe because I'd probably just make weird squealing noises and piss him off and then faint.



8. Describe the person who sits next to you in maths class (if this doesnt apply 2 u then do someone in your lectures or job)

He has a big build and is that kid who pisses off all of the teachers, but also kisses up to them. He's really good at quoting Louis CK and Saturday Night Live and he can do accents. We spend all of our time laughing at awful sex jokes (I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old boy--your mom and everything) and he's always drawing in my notebook.

his rendition of the spongebob gang
He's also really good at quoting Big Bang Theory and Minute Physics, but not at doing his homework  AND HE WON'T BUY HIS OWN PROTRACTOR WHICH SERIOUSLY PISSES ME OFF, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE'RE TAKING QUIZZES.


9. What's one shop you'd spend all your money buying clothes in?




Topshop is my weakness. (Especially their socks.)




10. Give us a great quote by someone great.

"Don't hurt yourself, destroy yourself, mangle yourself to get the football captain. Be the football captain." -Courtney Love