Sunday, December 22, 2013


This picture basically sums up my feelings about being in high school. I was on the floor agonizing about a math quiz when it was taken. (Typical.)

I feel like I've been sharing too many weird life details that will either a) get me killed or b) bore you to death... I think I'm conforming... My next post will be a room tour and my next post will be an outfit post and then a winter vibez inspiration post and yeaaahh. I don't exactly know how to not be like every single other person on the planet, so I usually just talk about myself to a personal level that no one dares to reach. (For obvious reasons, I'm beginning to realize.)

I don't have very much stuff to show you are talk about because my life has been chapter outlines and flashcards and keyboard clicking sounds (but mostly eating mochi ice cream to avoid doing my homework) for the past month or so. Because I'm just doing work so much, time has blended together and I feel like I'm in this state of emptiness. Bottom line: I really have to get out more.

In other news, Ned Vizzini is dead. I guess I usually don't have that much to say about famous people dying. It happens so often, I'm kind of immune to it. Like, I've seen so many movies/whatever that I approach every remotely unfortunate situation with this weird numbness.

But anyway, I guess this Ned Vizzini thing is weird for me. I really enjoyed It's Kind of a Funny Story and I was in the middle of reading Teen Angst? Naah... and then I stopped because, you know, to put it delicately, sCHooL iS eAtiNg mY LiFE, but I could relate to everything he was saying...Literally everything. He went the high school I go to now, so when he said "my school has a marble lobby" I knew exactly what marble lobby he was talking about because it's the marble lobby I was sitting in on Friday. I was thinking about what great friends we would probably be if he was my age. I was even planning on emailing him just to ask him for advice on school, writing, and how on earth you're supposed to pursue writing when your school gives you 28304930849305790284394823 hours of homework a night.

He even tweeted me once! I was shamelessly promoting our book last year and I had to somehow get peoples' attention in under 140 characters so all of my tweets sounded really stupid, but yeah.

i am literally cringing
In a Features article in an issue of our school newspaper (published sometime in September or October, he was quoted saying:

“I idolized suicide for a long time before I was diagnosed with actual depression. I don’t think it had to do with [Stuyvesant]. It had to do with Nirvana, because I loved that band, and since Kurt Cobain killed himself, I had a bad role model.”

This makes me a bit sad. The entire article was him saying clever, funny, and cute things... I mean, obviously he didn't kill himself because of Kurt Cobain. It's just weird to see him joking about suicide and then, like, actually committing it a few months later. Rest in peace, Ned.

Welp, I guess it's the holiday season. Because of all of the melancholy and sort of Christmas-ness of everything I feel like I'm living in Hole's 1994 Saturday Night Live performance (for the Christmas special, duh.)

Sucky things keep happening to awesome people. This song is relevant:

And now for Alik appreciation.

He'll kill me if I don't mention him. Heh. <# Luv u

Sunday, December 8, 2013


                I’ve never really been affected by a poem. But after reciting this time after time after time (4N6) it means a lot to me.
A Brave and Startling Truth by Maya Angelou

We, this people, on a small and lonely planet
Traveling through casual space
Past aloof stars, across the way of indifferent suns
To a destination where all signs tell us
It is possible and imperative that we learn
A brave and startling truth

And when we come to it
To the day of peacemaking
When we release our fingers
From fists of hostility
And allow the pure air to cool our palms

When we come to it
When the curtain falls on the minstrel show of hate
And faces sooted with scorn are scrubbed clean
When battlefields and coliseum
No longer rake our unique and particular sons and daughters
Up with the bruised and bloody grass
To lie in identical plots in foreign soil

When the rapacious storming of the churches
The screaming racket in the temples have ceased
When the pennants are waving gaily
When the banners of the world tremble
Stoutly in the good, clean breeze

When we come to it
When we let the rifles fall from our shoulders
And children dress their dolls in flags of truce
When land mines of death have been removed
And the aged can walk into evenings of peace
When religious ritual is not perfumed
By the incense of burning flesh
And childhood dreams are not kicked awake
By nightmares of abuse

When we come to it
Then we will confess that not the Pyramids
With their stones set in mysterious perfection
Nor the Gardens of Babylon
Hanging as eternal beauty
In our collective memory
Not the Grand Canyon
Kindled into delicious color
By Western sunsets

Nor the Danube, flowing its blue soul into Europe
Not the sacred peak of Mount Fuji
Stretching to the Rising Sun
Neither Father Amazon nor Mother Mississippi who, without favor,
Nurture all creatures in the depths and on the shores
These are not the only wonders of the world

When we come to it
We, this people, on this minuscule and kithless globe
Who reach daily for the bomb, the blade and the dagger
Yet who petition in the dark for tokens of peace
We, this people on this mote of matter
In whose mouths abide cankerous words
Which challenge our very existence
Yet out of those same mouths
Come songs of such exquisite sweetness
That the heart falters in its labor
And the body is quieted into awe

We, this people, on this small and drifting planet
Whose hands can strike with such abandon
That in a twinkling, life is sapped from the living
Yet those same hands can touch with such healing, irresistible tenderness
That the haughty neck is happy to bow
And the proud back is glad to bend
Out of such chaos, of such contradiction
We learn that we are neither devils nor divines

When we come to it
We, this people, on this wayward, floating body
Created on this earth, of this earth
Have the power to fashion for this earth
A climate where every man and every woman
Can live freely without sanctimonious piety
Without crippling fear

When we come to it
We must confess that we are the possible
We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world
That is when, and only when
We come to it.

                Last week, something tragic happened to my best friend. While I am sitting at home, avoiding typing up an outline for social studies, she is lying in a hospital bed far away from home, struggling to comprehend what is now her life. This is the time that she needs me most, yet I am failing to help her. I should be sitting beside her, telling her everything will be alright, holding her hand, hugging her, but I spent all of today staring at Word Documents, staring at textbooks, on YouTube. What is more important? My grades or my best friend? The latter, of course. What am I doing? Absolutely nothing. Why? Selfishness, I guess.

                I’m not going to go any more in depth about what happened—I want my words and my formal apology to you to not be on display for the world to see (sorry guys.) But, instead, I’m going to talk about myself for a while, considering that’s all I really do here/ever.

                Since the accident, I’ve decided I want to help people/the world in general. When I was little, I cared so much about the environment. I went to “Go Green” camp, I begged my dad to use canvas bags for grocery shopping, I stayed up at night contemplating how many people were watching TV at that moment, how much energy was being used, how many polar bears were pathetically floating away on their little icebergs. Now, I feel like I see all of the positive things I do through the eyes of other people. If I do something good, it’s so the hypothetical person who’s watching me 24/7 things I’m some awesome human being, single-handedly saving the world whilst listening to the most indie bands ever and wearing the most indie clothes ever and watching the most indie movies ever. When I think long enough, nothing I do is because I genuinely want to. I want to add to this image of myself that’s cool. Maybe I’m writing this post right now because I want to show you guys what an honest and reflective and intellectual person I am. Why else couldn’t I keep these thoughts to myself? I could easily tuck them away in a notebook not to be seen by anyone else for the rest of my life, but instead, I’m putting them out there for the world to see.

                Anyway, I guess the reason why I came here in the first place was to discuss my revelation. I don’t want to make a living by sitting at home and staring at word documents, maybe occasionally strumming a Fender Jazzmaster on stage. I want to help people. I feel like it’s my duty, living as a human being to make the world a better place. There is so much pain in this world and the little notion that I, myself, have the power to rid the world of some of it is, well, magical. Whether I help directly through being a psychiatrist (being a “normal” doctor would freak me out…I’m never ever gonna stick my hand down someone’s butt) or I’m one of those scientists that goes around helping animals (like in those episodes of Nova), or I help to spread knowledge by being a teacher…I dunno. Going to Stuyvesant, there are so many students that are so depressed and I want to help them. They’re obviously intelligent and they have no motivation, but I want to motivate them! Last year, I couldn’t care less about homework or what the textbooks said. I just wanted to get good grades. I didn’t see the world or my life as something exciting and full of beauty or something that was remotely malleable…but now there’s so much I want to do. I want to travel. I want to eat all of the food there is to offer.  I want read all of the books. I want to learn. I want to bring children into the world.

But most of all, I want to make changes. I want to make people happy. I want people to see the world as this amazing place that it really is. It’s also a terrible place, but anyone who is living (and even some people who are not) can help to change that.

A month or so ago, for science extra credit, I watched a documentary about Aldo Leopold. He devoted his life to observing wildlife and trying to make the physical world better and nicer. While his whole wolf massacre thing was, like, totally stupid, it was for a good cause. Plus, many other scientists worked to bring more wolves into the world. And since I saw the movie, I’VE WANTED TO GO OUTSIDE AND JUST PLANT TREES FOREVER.

And, if I had time, I would join the Environmental club and do that. (^) I would help my best friend…I still don’t fully understand why I’m not doing those things right now. It’s a time issue, but do silly things like what college I go to really matter? Technically no, but I guess I could have more power to do really good things if I went to an Ivy instead of a community college…? I don’t know. I just like doing well in school. Obviously my best friend’s emotional state and like everything else is exponentially more important than my social studies average… I’m still debating whether or not I can be a remotely good human being and do my work or like, how much of a balance there needs to be.

I guess I should get back to my world now. I am going to learn about, in greater depth what the first human beings are like! A big, heavy textbook that was given to me for free about my school is going to send me whizzing back to the world before time and I am going to learn how Homo erectus discovered fire (I think…we covered this information a while ago but I want to outline all of the chapters for when finals come around and stuff…hehe), the same fire that is being used to cook my dinner right now! (I’m strongly considering going back to veganism…like with fiery ferocity.)

Thanks for listening if you still are.

Ruby, you are an amazing, beautiful, and strong human being and I love you. I know for a fact that you can and will keep going. I can’t wait to visit you!

Naomi, I love you and you will always be in my thoughts, wherever you are now. I’m sorry I never got to say goodbye.

Here’s a song for you, my sugar plum fairy. I know how much you love the Nutcracker.

Saturday, November 30, 2013



Note: I currently don't have a working digital camera. I apologize for the ickiness of these iPhone photos.

This song basically sums up my thoughts towards my teachers.

Just kidding—all of the issues I have with schoolwork have to do with procrastination. They’d be non-existent if I learned how to do work. (Well, I mean, I’d still have some problems—but nowhere near as many.)

Hmmm.... Whenever I have free time (or "free time" because there really is no such thing anymore) I watch Sailor Moon or Totally Spies on my laptop. Tres fun. (I just needed an excuse to put this GIF set in here because it's sexy and colorful.)

(these two are in reverse order and i don't know how to switch them bakkkk :( )

Lalalalala, so as we all know, Halloween happened! 

My outfit on Halloween Eve:

Important new (old) shirt:


Back to Halloween: I didn't have a costume, really. I mean, I got Enid Coleslaw glasses and wore them with the weirdest clothes I own.

Like, this is seriously the extent of my dressing up:

When my friends and I went trick-or-treating, most of the people were shocked to see us. They'd like, open the door, stare at us for a second, and then be like, "You guys are...big..."

It was fun, though. Candy is fun. I happened to eat all of it (literally, all of it) that night. (hehe) And Kofi's candy got run over by a car... Sorry, Kofi!

Stuff I've been up to... 

Running 4 student government... (we did well enough)


catholic schools are funny

suit tops and pijama pants!

You know that random-post-generator thing? Basically, they make posts and you're supposed to be all like, "I'd totally say that!!!" when all they really do is cut and paste random words from statuses and stuff together.

Anyways, I thought these were too funny not to share.

Stay cool! (Or warm, rather.) (Unless you're in Australia--just stick to the first part.) (Lel--get it--stick--cuz ur sweaty!!)

Thursday, November 28, 2013


Just saying: I wrote this post, like a month or two a go and never got to publish it.
Does this matter? Nope. Why am I telling you? YES. Nooooo!

why, hello there

I've spent the past few hours listening to slam poetry............................................ I will now spam you guyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz with it. Because it is only the most amazing thing evar.

Oh yeah, and I feel like the title of this post might stew some controversy. What do you guys think? Should people feel empathy for pedophiles? (The title is a reference to "Shake the Dust" by Anis Mojgani  I've posted, if ur curious.)

sometimes "fuk yeah!" also interestingly sappy


really inspiring/beautiful/sappy


That's how I dress in October because witchy vibezzzzz and Hallow's Eve.

My favoreeet Halloween song, just in time for Halloween! Yai!

Sunday, November 24, 2013


blah blah blah blah SCHOOL blah blah blah

I listened to this while I walked around the city alone this morning (for about 20 minutes until my butt froze off) and t'was magical, I tell ya.

I will actually post something one of these daze! (heh, cute, i know)

Good bye!
I'm off to interrogate my mother about getting her period! Yay winter! Do your homework, kiddies!

Thursday, November 7, 2013


We are "doing work" in Biology. Yeeeeaaaaah.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013



witch 1 doesnt belongggg
now share it wit your friends
now like dis photo if u dont want ur mom to dye 2night

courtesy of tumblr
I have new followers!!!! 

Welcome, welcome. Whale cum (drrrty joke?) I welcome thee to the dark side. Muah ha ha. (Contrary to popular thought, there are NO COOKIES here.)

I have got lots of things to catch you guys up on (by "you guys" I mean myself in the future, stalking myself and feeling nostalgic about things happened approximately thirty-seven seconds ago.) (By the way, I am not referring to anything important happening thirty-seven seconds ago--for I was probably just formatting the red text above ^^^ but I am alluding to my tendency to feel sappy about insignificant things shortly after they occur.) (If there's one thing I've learned from Bones--mind you, I still have no idea what part of the body the "humerus" is in even though I've seen every episode at least twice--it's that it's important to be direct.)

©      This month, I started seeing a black cat on my bike route to school. I didn’t see this cat until October started. sp00ky.

©       I WAS ON ROOKIE!!!

The pictures were taken by Allyssa. She did a beautiful job! :)

©       I am no longer a vegan. I dunno, I just got tired of refusing to let myself eat what I wanted all the time and you do not know how suckish it feels to have to get the same two sorbet flavors and the same fruit toppings at 16 Handles all the time when they have flavors like APPLE CIDER DONUT and toppings like MOCHI and APPLE TURNOVER WHATEVER and CONEY ISLAND CRUNCH and so on. Also, bagels and chives cream cheese and lox. Also, creamy tomato soup. Also, mochi ice cream. YES, YES, ALL YOU VEGANS OUT THERE ARE PROBABLY LIKE, “HER HEART WASN’T IN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!” Well, I wouldn’t have put up with it for six months—not that long, I know—if I was doing it to feel trendy. Also, my veganism, like a lot of other things, totally pissed my mom off and I was like, “welp, I might as well let you have my diet,” so yeahhhh. And I was tired of constantly feeling guilty for accidently eating stuff with animal products because I forgot to read the labels and yeah.

All of these little reasons don’t add up to how many lives I’d benefit if I was vegan, but I don’t know…I might try again when I’m older and more in control of my life.

©      Here are some pictures of pinkness and my favorite building. (Less than three!!)

©      I am 107% content at my new school! Still! There is lots of work, but I’ve learned to love working. I had a lot of inspirational “LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL” epiphanies over the summer… Right now I’m especially in love with biology. (I already took it, but now I’m taking an “advanced” course, whatever that means…) Every time I learn something new, I’m all like, “Wow, this is amazing! The world is such an amazing place! Yeah, knowledge!” But seriously, I’m actually learning to appreciate all of the awesome complexity of our you-knee-verse and I am genuinely excited and motivated to learn and do work. And I actually study (like, actually) and I do homework to benefit myself and not just to do it. I am essentially “learning how to school” again. (And, I think, succeeding. J)


On a personal note: today's procrastination is due to my lack of sleep last night. This will not be a habit. This will not be a habit. This will not be a habit. (hehe I have lots of weird methods to keep me on top of my game--many of which include me talking to myself.)

©      I’m reading poop-tons of poetry for Speech. (As in, the Speech and Debate team.) We have to cut together a program. (I’m supposed to have it finished by tonight and it’s already 8:30 and I haven’t done any of my other homework yet and I’m coooool.)

my school is like really old (in contrast to my old school that was barely 10 years old). i mean, like, 100 years old. anyways, people checked out the book i'm reading now in 1968! eep so kawaii desu desu ne
oh yeah, i'm "reading" dylan thomas, edna st vincent millay, shakespeare, and sylvia plath #PretendingToBeCulturedEvenThoughI'mActuallyNot

©      Blah, blah, procrastination, blah. I applied for my school newspaper’s opinions department and this is my application piece. Enjoy!

Off The Hook-stuy students shouldn’t be on face book
            What does the fox say? This is not an essay about foxes but did I get youre attention. This is a essay about why lalalala students should not be on face book. lalalala students shouldnt be on face book because there is alot of homework, they procrastinate, and face book is not safe.
            There is alot of homework. In manhattan, New York there is a HighSchool called lalalala. You have to be smart to get into there. “I got into lalalala became im smart” a stuyvesant student said. You can’t do youre hw if your always on face book because it is a big school. you have to learn how to write Essays very well. for homework
            face book is not safe. “I am on face book and it is good for homework help” said an la student. pretty dangerous we at the spectator think. there are people you don’t know.
            Finally lalalala students procrastinate. Procrastinate is when you don’t do youre homework cause you are on face book. it is dangerous. because lala is a big school.
            In conclusion if you are on face book too much you will have alot of homework, procrastinate, and it is not safe.

©      I went to a Bat Mitzvah, which was fun. There was an Instagram they set up for it, for pictures of the Bat Mitzvah and stuff. It was a lot of selfies and pictures of people with a few ironic “deep” ceiling pictures…I posted a picture of a random cow (which people appreciated) and a picture of my armpit hair (I’ve got quite a bit). The picture was apparently “so vulgar” that it was deleted off the Instagram. (The only picture deleted off the Instagram.) Plus, two girls who used to like me and one who doesn’t know me think I’m totally gross and disgusting and offensive and WHY CAN’T I JUST SHAVE IT OFF?!?! Honestly, I enjoy being all interesting and controversial and hated…hehe.

my face in the bottom right...actually not on purpose...

Also, bagels.

yes, that is a bagel glued to a piece of paper #bagelswag

©      Halloween is coming up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you may or may not already know… Enjoy these cats and a photo documentation of the disgusting amounts of candy I have been consuming lately.


Sunday, September 15, 2013


Yo! (Heh.)

School has started and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I DON’T WANT TO RUB THIS IS ANYONE’S FACE OR ANYTHING, BUT I AM SO IN LOVE WITH MY NEW SCHOOL. My school is just really beautiful and it’s in a beautiful area and the people (or the ones that I talk to…mostly from my old middle school hehe) are amazing!

I’m just really excited for all of the stuff I have the potential to accomplish. Last year wasn’t exactly sucky, but a few things went wrong that I think I have the tools to prevent from happening this year.

The clubs seem especially cool. There’s practically everything from Speech and Debate to Aviation History Appreciation (the existence of this club made me chuckle under my breath.) I’m planning on joining:
©      Speech and Debate
©      the newspaper
©      the photography club (possibly)
©      the biking club (possibly)

I want to join:
©      Speech and Debate
©      the newspaper
©      the literary magazine
©      the environmental club
©      the animal Rights club
©      the yoga club
©      the photography club
©      the filmmaking club
©      the beading/jewelry club
©      the baking club
©      the theater club/stuff
©      the bracelet making club
©      GLASS
©      Historical Movie Watchers
©      the radio station
©      the podcast
©      the going-on-trips around NYC club
©      the board games club
©      the “Audiophiles Anonymous” club
©      the sharing-rad-music club
©      the outdoors club
©      the film appreciation club
©      the biking club
©      the rock climbing club
©      the badminton club

IT’S TERRIBLE! IT’S NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE FOR ME TO JOIN ALL OF THESE CLUBS BUT…UUUGGGGHH… (I also sort of want to start like 3032490349340392034 clubs, too.)

Anyway, it’s officially AUTUMN. (I think.) Here’s a collage of pop culture stuff that feels autumn-y to me.

my so-called life, heathers, courtney love, kim gordon, mr. fantastic fox, the white stripes, hole, freaks and geeks, my so-called life, beck, elliott smith, the white stripes, the squid and the whale, grimes, kurt cobain

Here’s a playlist. I kind of hate it, but I feel like this post needs a playlist.

i felt like being sort of rookie-ish and handwriting the tracklisting
I’m getting sort-of-okay-maybe-possibly at that whole clothes thing! Hehe, maybe I might have an outfit post one day! I’m learning how/where to buy clothes. hehe.

Here’s some cute stuff about school that you probably don’t care about but I do and this blog is for me and stuff, so DEAL WITH IT.
©      There is a kid who has lunch the same period as me. He wears normal American Eagle clothes or whatever AND cat ears and a pink studded collar.
©      Topics in Biology rocks. One of my favorite classmates from middle school introduced himself saying, “I am maff-loving Patrick and I love maff!”
©      English yesterday was a massive cacophony of explosive/nervous laughter (depends on the person), lots of screaming about sexy scandals, “So you’re adding molestation?” “It’s basically illegal.”, the sexual symbolism of tea and grandmas, and our teacher demonstrating the infamous “KNEE TAP” many, many times. (I love our English class, even if we’re like the only other class that doesn’t get to read The Catcher in the Rye.
©      My Global teacher complimented my watermelon socks and saw people going down water slides in business attire and he tells lots of other funny stories. Heh.)
©      Ned Vizzini had a really cute interview in the school newspaper where he was like, “I only idolized suicide because Kurt Cobain killed himself. He was not a very good role model,” and talked about playing Magic cards.
©      Well, this isn’t really positive, but I need to learn how to play bass. (Jazz Band is a bit stressful.)

I sort of freak out every time I see Halloween decorations in stores because I’m super excited for Halloween. I think I might be the log lady from Twin Peaks if I can’t think of something better. Suggestions?

i screamed with joy when i saw these (FURST HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS OF 2K13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)