Sunday, October 21, 2012

FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY, LIZA MINNELLI PERFORMING IN FRONT OF ALFALFA'S SHADOW

I guess this is the "explicit" post. It's not graphic or anything. There's just language because some people happen to say words that happen to be considered bad for some reason that I'm not very clear about.



This weekend my friends and I celebrated my friend, Kate’s birthday.



We went to a MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!!!



It was amazing. Let me introduce you to the cast: (well, half-not-really cast)

Here’s Magenta.



Columbia and Eddie.

oh hi ruby oh look it's ruby


Janet.



Frank n’ Furter (Yes, it’s me. No, I’m not a cheap underage prostitute.)


I was really afraid to post these pictures anywhere. I mean, if I had a flat stomach, it wouldn't be considered as “vulgar” or whatever. This isn't a cry for attention or bad body image, but I know for a fact that I’m not considerably thin. I just feel like the people who are gagging right now wouldn't be gagging if I were under 100 pounds. I just thought I’d point that out.

Oh yeah, I don’t have an exploding libido and a crazy sex obsession or anything. I’M PLAYING A CHARACTER.




We had to buy cards and bread for toast, so we went to Duane Reade and the supermarket ~in costume~. Some people were unphased by it (hello, New York City), some people were pissed off, but mostly we just got confused looks and people bursting into laughter as we walked by them. I always think it’s interesting what’s considered normal and abnormal. We're all human beings and we choose random ways to express ourselves, but we have to divide ourselves into these categories where so much stuff is like, shunned just because? I wrote a whole essay about this, but I’m just saying that it’s crazily irrational.

Anywho, IT’S ALMOST HALLOWEEN AND THE ALL THE STORES ARE SEASONAL!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHH! <3 ghosts and satan rule <3



Before the show, we chilled at a diner which was really fun. Honestly, I don’t really eat much besides hummus and fancy hearty flaxseed cereal and Greek yogurt, so it was fun to just EAT FRIES and hang. It’s so nice to be in a place with a bunch of people collectively hanging and indulging in feel-good soul food.



Soon, it was show time and we had our tickets ready and were standing in line.


It was awkward because we were the youngest ones there by far.

It was everyone’s first time going to a midnight showing and Kate (birthday girl) told us horror stories about “virgin rituals” where you have to eat bananas off of someone’s crotch or show your butt to everyone or something, but Columbia, Magenta, and I decided to go up anyway. They divided us into two groups. The first group had to touch their toes while the audience gave them five pelvic thrusts. However, we were not in that group. We were in lucky group number two. We had to take part in a fake orgasm contest. Everyone had to make their best orgasm noise into the microphone as possible.

The fact that my friends and I all are not just Rocky Horror virgins, but actual VIRGIN-virgins should hopefully be a given because none of us are above the age of thirteen.

One of the hosts flipped out when Magenta walked up to the mike. Much to our luck, we were the first three contestants. He was like, “NO! NO! NO! NO! I HAVE SEEN WAY TOO MANY EPISODES OF SVU! NO!” and the other guy was like, “YES! YES! YES!” but how could we not participate?

None of us won, but it was kind of funny and crazily humiliating…

It was really hilarious when we were watching the movie because everyone kept telling abortion jokes and Pok√©mon jokes and making fun of the narrator’s neck-less-ness. (HOW ABOUT YOU LOOK UNDER ‘N’ FOR NECK OR ‘F’ FOR FUCKING NECK OR ‘W’ FOR WHERE’S YOUR FUCKING NECK?!?!?!) There were a few references to the Dark Knight shooting in Colorado and when we all fell down after Time Warp, this one guy was like, “HEY! IT’S THE COLUMBINE REUNION!” I don’t know. I mean, I’ve been known to laugh a little too hard at anti-jokes.


ASSHOLE! SLUT! ASSHOLE! SLUT!
ELBOW SEX! ELBOW SEX!
CLIMB THE TIE! CLIMB THE TIE!


I bet you’re probably thinking about how I think I’m so cool because I like, used those words or whatever. (Ugh, that sentence was painful to write, but I’m hoping the like and or whatever made it a little more **edgy**) I always think it’s really pretentious for little kids to curse, but I’m really really really little in this situation and the fact that I’M the one getting irritated is even more pretentious. The truth is, everyone develops a potty mouth halfway through seventh grade.

I love the fact that people can just come together and move to the music and shout whatever dirty, grimy, drunken, slurred sex joke (SOMETHING ABOUT A HOT DOG IN YOUR BUTT) and like…not be considered insane because what does that even mean? It was just really fun and really hilarious. AAAHHH! MY FEET! I CAN’T MOVE MY FEET! AHHHH! MY WHEELS! I CAN’T MOVE MY WHEELS! AHHH! MY SOCKS! I CAN’T MOVE MY SOCKS!   

The next morning I gave Kate her present. Have a nice night and admire my wrapping paper! (Newspaper clippings from the Village Voice)

HOT 25 CENT SEX ACTION
NASTY GIRLS
THE ULTIMATE PENIS CASTING SYSTEM
create a vibrating rubber replica of your admirable appendage
secky chess players
kate really enjoyed it
i crack myself up too much

8 comments:

  1. dude I'm so jealous you got to go to a midnight screening of rocky horror!! I was planning to go for halloween but my friend is having a party that night so I can't go!!
    xxxxx
    naivebones.blogspot.com
    ^.^

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    1. that's too bad! it was ssooooo much fun!!!!!!!1

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  2. ah you are so awesome- the perfect Frank n’ Furter! i'm incredibly jealous that you got to watch it in a theater... watching rocky horror in my small, cramped bedroom just doesn't give the same magical vibes

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    1. haha! i mean ~there's a first time for everything~ but you have to admit, there IS something kind of wonderful about watching in like, your own room surrounded by all of your crap and stuff....

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  3. As, I often say... you the coolest maan

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  4. Are you kidding your body is amazing!! I'm Austrlian so my knowledge of Rocky Horror Shows is pretty limited to Perks and these kinds of posts but damn they seem fun. I know this is an oldish post but I just found you blog and I was just reading through it and and yeah that's it. Yer kewl.

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    Replies
    1. awwwww!!!!!! i feel so warm in bubbly inside! thanks, you're so sweeeeeet! (i <3 the perks)

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