Sunday, October 28, 2012

DIARY-A

I submitted a diary entry to Rookie, but I thought I'd post it here just in case you don't aren't a rookie or something. (That was a joke. You are.)

Anywho,


Hmmm... Should I watch Halloweentown or do my physics homework? It's a very hard decision.

Listen to this:



SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY FELLOW NEW YORK CITY PUBLIC SCHOOL PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW BECAUSE OF THE FRANKENSTORM!!!

yeah

THE UNIDENTIFIABLE CHEMICALS IN FUN-SIZED CANDY BARS HAVE TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN

you know what time it is

is that what i think it is? another halloween appreciation post? ur not srsly doing this 2 me.

If that thing with the no punctuation and misspellings and caramel calcium chews and mildew and torn scratching posts and little gooey cat teeth annoys you…I don’t know.

The test thing I’ve been whining about is finally over! Yay! I don’t really know (care) how well I did, but I’m glad (and hopefully you are, too) I can return to regular posting and not eating eight granola bars and six bowls of cereal in one sitting—if you’re not sure what I’m trying to say, let me clarify (because I hate it when I don’t know what other people are trying to say): S-T-R-E-S-S-[space]-E-A-T-I-N-G. rawr. Ugh, I just realized how annoying it is to put a hyphen between each letter. I’m sorry, I’ll change that URL for y’all when I think of some witty play on some obscure Sonic Youth song that no one will get my reference to. (oh, the troubles of the painfully indie.)

My mother (awwww how cute) asked why I post such “ugly” pictures of myself on the internetz. I think growing up in a Styrofoam Cup Noodles cup in the middle of nowhere in China obscured her sense of humor. I AM NOT GOING TO LET HER MEAN WORDS GET TO ME. I’M JUST GOING TO BE ME!!!! Read the writing on the wall temporary tattoo.

yo
the mummy guy makes me a little too happy
My school had a dance tonight. FRIGHT NIGHT. It was mostly me “moshing” and everyone being like “whut duh fuq” Dances (or any parties, wait no, social gatherings in general) are a bit of a drag, so I just eat and sulk the whole time. (Well, half the time—I dance, but get tired quickly.) It made me realize how much I love just sitting outside and talking to my best frands (and how attractive it is when boys dye their hair What? Huh? I didn’t say anything. Did you?)

Tumblr has been very good to me. Here are some pictures of Halloween nostalgia that makes my heart hurt:





 

 

find all sources from here--i'm lazy, okayyy?

Something about Halloween has always been really awesome to me. Autumn is an awesome season and I love candy and there's something really badass about witches and Satan

In New York City, when Halloween approaches, people walk around in costumes and there is this amazing spirit that is in the air that looks really cool in tights and velvet boots with a big fat buckle and a bit of a heel. Halloween is like Christmas, but it's not too cold and you don't have to worry about religion or getting the right presents. My fondest childhood memories (weight how old r u agan) are of me, my dad, and my brother running up and down the stairs of my building and taking eight mini-Milky Ways from all those those tiny bowls that are all ceramic and black and 'pleaz take one' and will most likely be shattered by the time the ceramic bowl owner checks back in on his/her ceramic bowl-ness.

hmmph

I made a worklist (like play, but work because I'm clever.) It's called, "*black cats with warts or something" wow. It makes me laugh a lot whenever Charlie says 'wow!' in the Perks, especially when he discovers masturbation and is like "No kidding!" And no, I haven't seen the movie yet.


Spotify didn't recognize my copy of My Body, The Hand Grenade or something and I couldn't live without posting this song (well, this cover of it) so, yeah:

Sunday, October 21, 2012

FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY, LIZA MINNELLI PERFORMING IN FRONT OF ALFALFA'S SHADOW

I guess this is the "explicit" post. It's not graphic or anything. There's just language because some people happen to say words that happen to be considered bad for some reason that I'm not very clear about.



This weekend my friends and I celebrated my friend, Kate’s birthday.



We went to a MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!!!



It was amazing. Let me introduce you to the cast: (well, half-not-really cast)

Here’s Magenta.



Columbia and Eddie.

oh hi ruby oh look it's ruby


Janet.



Frank n’ Furter (Yes, it’s me. No, I’m not a cheap underage prostitute.)


I was really afraid to post these pictures anywhere. I mean, if I had a flat stomach, it wouldn't be considered as “vulgar” or whatever. This isn't a cry for attention or bad body image, but I know for a fact that I’m not considerably thin. I just feel like the people who are gagging right now wouldn't be gagging if I were under 100 pounds. I just thought I’d point that out.

Oh yeah, I don’t have an exploding libido and a crazy sex obsession or anything. I’M PLAYING A CHARACTER.




We had to buy cards and bread for toast, so we went to Duane Reade and the supermarket ~in costume~. Some people were unphased by it (hello, New York City), some people were pissed off, but mostly we just got confused looks and people bursting into laughter as we walked by them. I always think it’s interesting what’s considered normal and abnormal. We're all human beings and we choose random ways to express ourselves, but we have to divide ourselves into these categories where so much stuff is like, shunned just because? I wrote a whole essay about this, but I’m just saying that it’s crazily irrational.

Anywho, IT’S ALMOST HALLOWEEN AND THE ALL THE STORES ARE SEASONAL!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHH! <3 ghosts and satan rule <3



Before the show, we chilled at a diner which was really fun. Honestly, I don’t really eat much besides hummus and fancy hearty flaxseed cereal and Greek yogurt, so it was fun to just EAT FRIES and hang. It’s so nice to be in a place with a bunch of people collectively hanging and indulging in feel-good soul food.



Soon, it was show time and we had our tickets ready and were standing in line.


It was awkward because we were the youngest ones there by far.

It was everyone’s first time going to a midnight showing and Kate (birthday girl) told us horror stories about “virgin rituals” where you have to eat bananas off of someone’s crotch or show your butt to everyone or something, but Columbia, Magenta, and I decided to go up anyway. They divided us into two groups. The first group had to touch their toes while the audience gave them five pelvic thrusts. However, we were not in that group. We were in lucky group number two. We had to take part in a fake orgasm contest. Everyone had to make their best orgasm noise into the microphone as possible.

The fact that my friends and I all are not just Rocky Horror virgins, but actual VIRGIN-virgins should hopefully be a given because none of us are above the age of thirteen.

One of the hosts flipped out when Magenta walked up to the mike. Much to our luck, we were the first three contestants. He was like, “NO! NO! NO! NO! I HAVE SEEN WAY TOO MANY EPISODES OF SVU! NO!” and the other guy was like, “YES! YES! YES!” but how could we not participate?

None of us won, but it was kind of funny and crazily humiliating…

It was really hilarious when we were watching the movie because everyone kept telling abortion jokes and Pok√©mon jokes and making fun of the narrator’s neck-less-ness. (HOW ABOUT YOU LOOK UNDER ‘N’ FOR NECK OR ‘F’ FOR FUCKING NECK OR ‘W’ FOR WHERE’S YOUR FUCKING NECK?!?!?!) There were a few references to the Dark Knight shooting in Colorado and when we all fell down after Time Warp, this one guy was like, “HEY! IT’S THE COLUMBINE REUNION!” I don’t know. I mean, I’ve been known to laugh a little too hard at anti-jokes.


ASSHOLE! SLUT! ASSHOLE! SLUT!
ELBOW SEX! ELBOW SEX!
CLIMB THE TIE! CLIMB THE TIE!


I bet you’re probably thinking about how I think I’m so cool because I like, used those words or whatever. (Ugh, that sentence was painful to write, but I’m hoping the like and or whatever made it a little more **edgy**) I always think it’s really pretentious for little kids to curse, but I’m really really really little in this situation and the fact that I’M the one getting irritated is even more pretentious. The truth is, everyone develops a potty mouth halfway through seventh grade.

I love the fact that people can just come together and move to the music and shout whatever dirty, grimy, drunken, slurred sex joke (SOMETHING ABOUT A HOT DOG IN YOUR BUTT) and like…not be considered insane because what does that even mean? It was just really fun and really hilarious. AAAHHH! MY FEET! I CAN’T MOVE MY FEET! AHHHH! MY WHEELS! I CAN’T MOVE MY WHEELS! AHHH! MY SOCKS! I CAN’T MOVE MY SOCKS!   

The next morning I gave Kate her present. Have a nice night and admire my wrapping paper! (Newspaper clippings from the Village Voice)

HOT 25 CENT SEX ACTION
NASTY GIRLS
THE ULTIMATE PENIS CASTING SYSTEM
create a vibrating rubber replica of your admirable appendage
secky chess players
kate really enjoyed it
i crack myself up too much

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

CAFFEINE IS THE BEST LAXATIVE

'Yeah, don't read this if you want to retain any faith in me whatsoever,' she said as all of the adults who ever had respect for her rubbed their eyes and shook their heads in disappointment.

what my head feels like
it's almost halloween
wut no girls cant talk abt thyre bodily functions wut no dis is not ok

Ugghh. Blogger isn't letting me use my own font. Hopefully it's just because I'm on my family's monitor. You don't care about my family's monitor, do you? -stares to the lower left hand corner and strokes chin thoughtfully- NOVELTY ERASERS!

When (well, if) I said my posting would be scattered, I hope you knew I was serious.

you know how it is
oh yeah and ~source unknown~
but this is obscenely unprofessional, even for an unprofessional (sir, i believe the word is 'amateur') like yourself

scoff

scoff

scoff

pfft (is apparently a scoff noise only used in Arthur books even though it sounds more like a fart noise to me)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I can’t say I’m an atheist anymore because that would be wayyyy to mainstream of me (according to NPR.) I'm an almond milk drinking agnostic. ~meow~

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

songwriting credzzz to rush

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These are agitated, confusing, and funny songs I thought would go with the post. That's the overall feel I was going for.


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Uhm, I hope I didn't just scare away and potential readers. lolololololol. 

I guess the point of this post was to show the amount of confusion teenagers feel. Like, for me, a lot of weirdbuttpoop is going on and I feel sort of numb and sort of like I'll be jumping out of my skin any second now. I had my first real Physics test today--lots of shaking and throbbing. I would have to say that it's kind of sort of realistic for me to make this post because it's HONEST (and I'm the best blogger evar and you should all just give up on life because I'll always be a mile ahead of you.)

No, but out of all seriousness, what is a blog supposed to be? 

Yes, sometimes I do wish I could just give up and start "FALL VIBEZ"-ing you and talking pictures of myself wearing black maxi skirts and TEEN WITCH and WITCHY VIBES or whatever. I just feel like I want to show myself, and not Tavi Gevinson to the world.

THIS is a raw and sadly accurate representation of my current state of being, and, if you're under a certain age, maybe yours, too? Why should I put together a fancy, organized post, if I AM NO WHERE NEAR TO BEING FANCY AND ORGANIZED?! 

Don't worry, I'll post normal(ish) in November. I'm actually working on an essay that's long and stuff.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

we're very disappointed in you danielle
we expected more from you
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Saturday, October 6, 2012

BOTTLE UP AND EXPLODE!

ramble ramble ramble ramble. it's late and it's been a long week.
you know, melodrama. (i'm not even on my period.)


~I’m looking better than evar.~

The transition back into school mode is a hard one. I feel like I just want to GET STUFF DONE and take all of the tests and do all my projects and do all of my homework so I feel like I’ve actually accomplished something. It’s like I’ve barely made a dent into this school year (not untrue at all) and there are just hours and hours and hours and hours of work waiting to be finished. (Also not untrue.) To be honest, I like difficult work. I’m not terribly awful at figuring things out, as long as we go over them in class. Like, plugging numbers into equations (this is basically all we’ve done in Physics so far) is kind of...fun…maybe….

However, thanks to this stupid laptop (i.e. my life for the past year and a half) it’s impossible to do anything. I have way too many days where I’m just in front of the computer the whole time and cannot get anything done until eight-thirty or something. It’s an endless cycle of eating until I feel sick (out of boredom and being tired) and then being to full to think and then watching TV and then going on Tumblr and then going on Facebook and then going on Tumblr and then eating more and then feeling god awful and then going on Tumblr and then feeling awful and then feeling tired and then feeling awful and then realizing you have homework and then feeling awful more and eating more and feeling awful more and then getting five hours of sleep.

I’m in desperate need of a shower, but I’m too lazy to take a shower eighty-five percent of the time.

~This is my whole life.~

The worst part is that this is not uncommon. (auuuggghh)

It’s hard to feel useful, like anything you’re doing actually matters—not only to yourself, but to society as a whole. You start doubting stuff—why do your homework when someone else will always do it better than you? Why work hard to keep your grades up when someone else’s will always be higher than yours? Why worry about your future when someone else’s will always be so much better than yours? Why lead a pointless life of endless trying and wishing and hoping when someone else can breeze by everything naturally and seamlessly? It’s not like we get some reward for not *taking the easy way out* some time along the way.

TEENAGE ANGST. Why are we so troubled once we enter adolescence? I think it’s because, we’re not living in a shiny happy soap bubble of obliviousness anymore. We don’t sit, speak, and roll over for lollipops and stickers anymore. We can buy all of the Twinkies and sodas and trash we want with our cute little allowances. The only AWARD award that actually matters the slightest bit is being the best at something, which is like, impossible. We’re all bent out of shape trying to make ourselves somewhat groool, but even more bent out of shape because we’ll never actually be what we want.

We have the free spirits that only puerile KIDS have, but the gritty deeper understandings that adults do, nestled under our skin with dirt and broken glass. We haven’t acknowledged that this whole ‘life’ thing is just going to be over one day, like that mediocre show on Fox that you watch when nothing else is on and you laugh at the jokes in your head, but not out loud. Things still matter. There’s more to discover and more to screw up. We don’t know what’s going to happen—it’s not going to end in a piece of sparkly tutti frutti hard candy and an episode of Curious George. It could be a million different things, which sucks. Everything sucks.

My head’s all cloudy and heavy and my eyes hurt. It’s late, I’m tired, I’m sweaty, and blah.

A few years from now, I’m going to look back at this and think, about how cute all of this complaining was. Hopefully, it’s not too painful (or just ANNOYING) for you to read this. Hopefully you can relate to it or whatever, you know, relating to stuff, yeah.

For when you just want to EXPLODE and be WIPED OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET AND NEVER BE ANYTHING EVER AGAIN AND NOT EVEN BE A DUST BUNNY UNDERNEATH SOME KID’S BED BECAUSE AAAUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH: