It has come (or should I say 'cum') to my attention that one of my most popular traffic sources is indeed a porn site. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach, but whatever.
Sigh, the internet is such a colorful place.
This has been my constant state for the past few days. (Getting dressed?! Come on, it's the twenty first century.)
Us kidz these days are all hustle and bustle—all work and no play. (or sleep)
o o o
So, I saw this movie at my friend’s house the other night—ZERO DAY.
Gawd, it was good.
We're gonna leave you all behind. Just sticks in the mud that Andre and I have made. We're gonna walk away.
It’s a movie loosely based on the Colombine High School shooting. It’s an interesting format—filmed with cheap cameras to look like a video diary. And It’s crazily realistic, to the point where the two diarists fight over who has to hold the camera. I mean, there’s even that slightly narcissistic (but in a cute way) ‘smile for the camera’ aspect of it.
Two “troubled adolescents” (it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?); Calvin (otherwise known as ‘Cal’) Gabriel and Andre Kriegman are our main characters. Cal is your classic teen angst-scruffy long hair-Converse-flannel shirt Cobain-esque, pale blue eyed, ‘alternative’ teenage heartthrob.
|he had just read a poem|
He’s kind of quiet and sensitive and sarcastic and talks to girls like real people as opposed to holes to stick his thang into. (I’m also going to intellectually comment on the fact that he is SOCUTEOHMYGODKILLMENOWAUGHHH.) Andre, on the other hand, is a little rough around the edges. He hates everyone, but lacks the cuteness factor of the ‘tortured soul’ archetype most commonly associated with his other half. Like, the murderous psychopath aspect of him is all that can be seen with the shallow naked eye of your average suburbia girl. People tell Cal that he’s a bad influence and warn him to stay away, but Cal, himself can’t be helped. Together, they are the ARMY OF TWO.
They have a sweet and funny bromance going on. They are literally inseparable. They’re tough on each other, but also loving and sincere in their actions. I don’t know about you, but it was cute and touched my heart.
Dude, I want you to know, like- I couldn't have done this with anyone else. Like, I don't know what would've happened to me if-if we hadn't been friends.
I don't think that, uh, I could've done this with anyone else, either.
[After a brief pause] Ready? Let's get this shit done. Let's kick the tires and light the fires.
TEEN ANGST TEEN ANGST TEEN ANGST. You know. It’s all cute and early 2000’s-y and stuff. Various kids are still a part of this whole ‘grunge’ subculture (which is totally IN this fall, if you haven’t picked up this month’s issue of Teen Vogue or checked out all of Topshop’s crucifixes and shat—I might write about it sometime soon) and TOTALLY OWN IT.
|come on, he's wearing a facking pearl jam shirt|
oh yeah I HATE THE HASHTAG WHATEVER TEXT ON THE PICTURE JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO
|do you see the resemblance?|
In virtually everyone’s existence, I imagine they contemplate this world and it’s fairness and value, and end up feeling totally alienated BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS A SEEPING PILE OF SHIT AND YOU ARE ALL PHONIES. Growl. The Army of Two certainly are fond believers of this particular philosophy and decide to exercise their rage in a slightly more unconventional way (because they’re indie like that.)
Okay, imagine if instead of screaming and deafening everyone with fuzzy power chords, what a less humanitarian, teenaged Kurt Cobain would busy himself with.
Yes, Andre and Cal plotted a school massacre.
They called their mission ‘Zero Day.’
They spent the whole summer and the days leading up to ‘Zero Day’ setting up all their gear and planning out their line of attack. These boyz rlly lykd der guns
However, I think what also set them apart from your average Doc Martens bearer was the fact that they weren’t posers (I have come to think that bluffing a little is more than okay in this situation.) They hated their school enough to take lives. They hated with a legitimate burning passion. You could say they were phased by their psychotic tendencies or were just evil selfish crazies, but saying that is oversimplifying everything. They were living in a world that was way more extreme that of their nonchalant peers. The importance and drive was mind-blowing (they literally had a strong enough motive to blow other peoples’ minds out, like, with guns.) Could you imaging feeling such extreme resent that you just go in there and end ‘it?’ Well, they went and put a stop to ‘it.’
Usually angst-ee’s say that the source of all their misery is their school and/or the government and/or their parents, but I honestly think it’s just confusion with the ultimate image of ‘self’ and its place in this unnatural material world.
I mean, we’re stuck in a really weird place. Every rule and regulation is technically not meant to be there, because that’s not how nature was ‘run’ way back when. I guess some free spirited people feel too bound by every little constraint pressed against them. By already breaking so many norms, they might feel pressured and spiral out of control and into oblivion. The hierarchical organization of things and the way we ostracize differences as opposed to embracing them and adding more to society.
If things were more neutral and there weren’t so many ‘wrong’s’ and ‘unacceptable’s’, I don’t think people would feel that need to KILL. When we’re all stuck in a huge mushroom cloud, coughing up smoke and the need to ELIMINATE THE UNDESIRABLES (lose weight, sit still or take the pill, get good grades or get kicked out of school) how can we blame those that want to eliminate the ones that ostracize them?
We live in such a paradox. The Army of Two decided to do something about this paradox.
When it came to be May 1st, Zero Day, Andre and Cal got right down to business. The Army of Two found its soapbox, walking around on tabletops and screaming commands and the petrified victims. They weren’t afraid to shoot. One of the boys—I think it was Cal—looked into a pool of red surrounding one of his victims and was like, “Look at that blood. I can see my reflection, it’s so shiny.” Another time someone was shrieking because they were just shot and he just screamed “SSSHHUUUTT UUUUPPPP” and fired away until eventually the screaming stopped.
My stomach dropped just thinking about it.
I feel like Cal was more into it than Andre was. Cal was letting it boil inside of him for his whole life—to everyone he was the quiet one. He pretended not to, but did overhear the countless ‘I don’t like that Cal’s. He saved all of his animalistic fury for the sixteen minutes it took to kill twelve people. However, I think Andre had come to his senses by the time he saw his reflection in the blood.
Ultimately, as we all know, all good times must come to an end.
Andre: Look out the window. That is a lotta fuckin' cops. C'mon, let's go get a couple.
Andre: C'mon, let's go!
Cal: I'm done.
Andre: Why- how are you done?
Cal: Andre, you're done.
Andre: I'm not- I don't- I'm not done.
Cal: It's all right, we'll just... would you rather get shot by the cops, or, by yourself?
Andre: Guess you're right.
Cal: You guess or you know?
Andre: I know. You're right.
In classic Cobain fashion, the Army of Two ended it for themselves, too.
NOW THAT YOU'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THE MOVIE, LET ME MAKE YOU LAUGH FOR THE NEXT EIGHT MINUTES AND THIRTEEN SECONDS.