Friday, June 29, 2012


Dreams are weird. Sleeping is weird. It's one of those things that used to be an obvious necessity. All animals need to do is eat, survive, and reproduce. It's not like the dodo bird died out because it forgot to fill its Ambien prescription. Sleeping was never something that was such a burden. Sleeping is TOO easy and had to be ruined by buzzing iPhones, homework, finals, and mirrors. 

There’s this whole thing about staying up and watching Vlogbrothers videos—or Glee reruns, or Tumbling or reading physics textbooks or browsing Wikipedia for new anxiety disorders to tell everyone you have—until two in the morning that is just so attractive to every single adolescent in this universe. It’s a bit of an acute information overload where your brain is trying to process the heavy flow of stuff, but there's too much, so it only picks up little tidbits. Like, after you've seen twelve episodes of Buffy and you limp over to your room, all stiff and sweaty and your head is all heavy, something happens. 

 First off, it takes a few Lizzie Bennet Diaries (you know, that running Tumblr joke-thang-- "How long did it take you?" "Uhm about five songs.") for everything to power down. (OH EHM GEE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME I CAN'T SLEEP I'M AN INSOMNIAC WHEN WILL THAT BITCH TEXT ME ALREADY?!?! **reaches for phone**) You drift off into the first four stages of sleep (non-REM sleep.) The first two are pretty light and three and four are deep sleep. Overall, there isn't a crazy amount activity in the brain. The "dreams" you're having are little flashes. You-- or your "dream avatar" or whatever-- don't experience everything 100%. These dreams tend to be really nice and pleasureful. After these four stages comes everyone's favorite, REM sleep. This is the hardcore DREAMING-dreaming. There is WAY more activity in your brain (rapid brain wave movement--> rapid eye movement.)  This is when you fully experience stuff in real life time. These dreams tend to be a lot more negative. I think the more vivid everything is, the more closer to reality everything is.

It's like eating. Indulging yourself with fluffy, airy, sugarfrostqueenrich-iced donuts and smooth, creamy, golden ice cream seems like good fun. Everything is super pretty and dainty and over-romanticized.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ THIS isn't reality.^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^  

A sad girl wearing a tight American Idiot shirt sitting, with her fingers in her mouth and Nutella all over her face, and her scraggly black pubes peaking out of her blood-stained Old Navy underwear is reality. 900 calories and who-cares-how-many-cookies-that-was later, EVERYTHING IS SO AWFUL AND GUILTY OH MY JESUS LORD. This "little harmless Dopamine" ends up being an ugly dress or five hundred Hell-ish jumping jacks and missing how Bones figured out that janitor died. 

The eating (non-REM sleep) was sweet wisps of sunshiney nostalgia film camera shutter deep-rich-sing-click joy. The aftermath is stinging eyes and sunburn and sticky aloe vera and WALGREENS IS SO SUCKISH AND STUPIDLY EXPENSIVE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY RUINED AN ENTIRE ROLL OF FILM.

You think you're so kewl using your little indie metaphors and two cent instantly streamed Netflix documentary knowledge? Cluck off, witch.

                Everything seems super extreme, whether it’s in really good way or a really bad way. Everyone thinks dreams have some crazy, intense, spiritual meaning, but I don't. I just think we're reliving the ultimate moments of glimmering euphoria tingle, sadness, numbness, etc, but in a new way, shape, and/or form in our own little worlds in our heads. Experiencing stuff keeps you in touch with your hungry human void-- you're just feeding it more and more and finding and forgetting small parts of yourself. 


**some people call these inspiration posts, but that's like totally mainstream**

These are nostalgia inducing things that are super distant, yet closer than close. 
dirty marble eyes
stand- rem
(I had to)

pink haus

kurt in a dress 
a crying baby in a boxy icky runny nose sweaty printed sweater

smashing pumpkins
d'arcy is a goddess 
this is *dreamy*

this person is a genius
exotic, alien, totally normal everyday civilization

i'm a *cliche*
by tetradia

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